Unconditional

He kicks and it makes a bad day, better. It not only brings a smile to my face but also to my heart. He's not even here yet and he already changes my every day. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. To embrace this much love is honestly a little scary to me. I may sound silly but until now I have chosen to love unconditionally. Its been a choice. I choose how much of myself I give over to another and the more I'm able to give, the more I love. But this, I have found this has nothing to do with choice. Its more instinctual. Its natural. Its naturally unconditional. It brings tears of joy to my eyes. There's no thought, no over-analyzing. It just is and I love that.

Believing

Face down on the floor, tears streaming down my face. I have no idea what to say to you or pray except, I lay it down at your feet, I surrender it all to you. Over and over, those words repeatedly coming out of my mouth as I cry out. Only 24 years old and I am already tired. Burdened with the weight of the world and the stresses of life. Yet at that moment I am the most real and the most free that I have been in years. In that moment everything has been lifted, the weights upon my shoulders being taken into your grip, into your control. In that moment I no longer question, I just know that you have already taken care of everything uncertain that lies before me.

No. I've never questioned whether you exist or not. I have never had to go through a phase of asking myself, what do I believe? I never tampered with the thought, the realm of trying to live life believing, telling myself that you don't exist. Why? Because of moment like these. I could never question you because I know that I could never feel like this on my own. I've not only felt your presence, I have seen you work. Its indescribable, its what makes me live life believing, telling myself to keep going. To not give up. That I am not doing this by myself. That I am not living life on my own. And that is something I never want to miss.