Brain Dump...AKA: What's Been Going On...

My 2009 so far:

- We have had a lot going on since 2009 started. We never thought one of our major decisions this year would be building and purchasing a house, but with much shock and excitement we did! Now, we have been moved in since the end of May and are enjoying of every minute of being house owners. We still have a lot we want to do and accomplish inside and outside the house. We know that it takes time and we are sort of patiently awaiting the next moment when we get to decorate another inch of our home. I have my moments when I want to burst out and shop and just go out and buy everything in Hobby Lobby and Pottery Barn! But what would be the fun in decorating everything all at once, right? There would be nothing else left to do...right?
- We have also added a new addition to our family and are absolutely head over heels in love with him. He is cute, cuddly and just a huge ball of fluff! We welcomed Bentley Rolls Krumbine to our little family of two on July 30th. We have learned fast that having a puppy comes with completely new responsibilities and a new budget but it is so worth it!
- 2009 has brought a lot to my entire family this year. Since January started it seems there is something happening one right after another. It has been a very busy and trying year for my parents and grandparents especially. A lot of great things have occurred as well. God has definitely been using my sister and all of her talents this year. She has become a powerhouse and I am so proud of her. As I have said so many times, she has so much talent it oozes out of her fingertips and God has definitely and is opening doors for her to showcase what she is capable of. It is amazing what happens when we use our talents for God. My sister is just so incredible!
- I am so glad that I have a family that has such a strong foundation in their relationship with God. I have to say I don't know how people who don't know him do it. My relationship with him at times is what keeps me going.
- Michael and I just made the decision last week that we are changing our lifestyle. I know so cliche...so instead let me say we made the decision that we are going to try very hard to have a better lifestyle. We are tired of working 40 hours a week and at night coming home making dinner and sitting on our butts watching TV...gaining weight in the process and nothing else. We both feel miserable and are not very pleased with the way we look right now. Not only that, watching TV is not the best way to keep a marriage alive...for us.
- We cleaned our whole house today! I love this house but the only bad thing about having a bigger place is that it gets dirty and then you have to clean it and its a whole lot more to clean than an apartment. Took us 4 hours!!! 4 hours!!! Four hours of my life cleaning a house...oh well...it was worth it because it looks and feels so much better.
- I can't believe it is already August of 2009! Can you? This year has just flown by, I mean its almost Halloween and then Thanksgiving and then Christmas! For me 2009 hasn't even started so how can it be August?
- We celebrated our 1 Year Anniversary on June 7th! Another thing I can't believe...that I am old enough to be married for a year. God certainly blessed me with Michael. He has the patience of a saint and is so loving and respectful. I just don't know how I ended up with someone as wonderful as him. I definitely love my hubby!
- As a I said before, my family has been going through a lot this year and it is very hard not being able to pack up everything and go see them. I have definitely struggled this year not being there. Miss my entire family so much.
- God is really showing me a lot of my junk lately that I have let go and kind of take over the past few years. Starting to get to a place again where I am willing to stop making excuses and start working on myself and my relationship with him.
- Okay, so with this new lifestyle my only request is that they come up with a healthy, low-fat chocolate thats really really good for you. That way I can be a chocolate addict all I want.

Blog to Outlet

I have such a hard time with this blog. I feel and think so much! I know what I want to say inside and yet I struggle with finding the right words. Not only that, I worry about how it effects other people. I try to not affend people so much I kind of lose myself and what I really want to say. A blog is used in so many different ways for people and I have decided that I am using this blog as my outlet (honestly writing in a journal is way too much effort when I can type so much faster). I have forgotten that this blog is not for others it is for me. I NEED an outlet with all the emotions, thoughts, feelings, etc. that go through my mind everyday.

With this said, I am going to make sure that before I put words down I am going to pray. Pray that whatever I have to say or feel that day that God will speak through me. Therefore, my words will always speak love, wisdom, kindness, and truth. Not just anger, frustration, hatred, and my own selfish thoughts. Some days I definitely want to scream to cyber space...I'm just saying! ;-)

I am ready to grow and let go of burdens and boulders that weigh me down because of my choice to hang on for immature and selfish reasons. I am ready to be a light for God and myself. So even though this is my outlet I never know how God will use me and this just might be one way. I changed 5 years ago because I allowed God to use me and completely put my trust in him. I have fallen down and I am ready to rise up again with his guidance. This journey will definitely be on a road that is rough, has a lot of pot holes, bumpy, with confusing directions, and I may drive off the set path sometimes but with God and my husband by my side and doing this together we will become a powerhouse. Hopefully this blog being my outlet will help me along the way. :-)

Getting the Best of Me/ "No More Chains"

"How did I get locked up inside?
What's this that renders me paralyzed?
I lost myself in small pieces
It happened over time

I traded love for a heavy chain
Another link every other day
I pulled it up and down a mountain
It made me want to say?

No more chains
No more chains
Big and small, watch them fall away
No more chains
Big and small, watch them fall away

I wonder now if the choice was mine
The door was open, I walked inside
Nobody had my arm twisted
Nobody made me stay

The face of freedom can show up small
A tiny crack in a prison wall
A song that rises up in silence
A voice that wants to say?

I should let you give me wings
I should let you set me free

No more chains
No more chains
Big and small, watch them fall away"

~ Nichole Nordeman

She sings exactly what I feel and what my heart is trying to say. I am ready to have these chains fall away.

Faith

How far can I fall before I crash and break? I'll never know if I never jump...

First House!!!

Soooooooo........this is what we are moving into in 3 weeks! Can't believe it! Pee in my pants excited are the only words that come to mind when I think of it. Enjoy the pic. More to come...

Pack Rat Life

There is something that has been holding me back...holding me back from being myself, being close to others, letting others in, meeting new people, forming relationships, having a productive life, being free, being a Godly example for others and myself, allowing people to see God through me, allowing God to use me and fulfill my purpose...

Fear and most of all Myself.

You see I have been living a Pack Rat life. On the outside it looks like I embrace change with open arms but on the inside I have been living in the past instead of going forward. It doesn't matter how much wisdom I have and the things I know I need to change; as long as I make a choice to do nothing about it I'll just keep going farther and farther from where I am suppose to be. The hole has become deep and wide and last night I decided that I am tired, tired of it all and allowing my fear to have control. Its not that I'm not happy. Its not that I don't know how blessed I am. Its not that I don't know what I should be and am thankful for. Its not that the smiles on my face are fake. Its that I know there's something missing. Its that I know who I was when my relationship with God was strong and solid and when I didn't hold back from what he wanted to do in my life.

So starting last night I made a choice to stop living in the past. Stop saying I hate change. Stop being afraid of what lies ahead. Stop hanging on to past friendships and start making new ones. Stop only letting the people who knew me best being the only ones who do. Stop letting fear of change control my life.

For me this is a huge challenge. A struggle I have been dealing with all my life. Its not the easiest and not always comfortable and safe but I know that God has my back and will guide me. I can't do this alone anymore.






The definition of CHANGE: to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone.

La Di Da

Right now I am overly exhausted and I know I need to go to bed but for some reason I making my body stay up. I guess because even though I just had a wonderful weekend spending time with my family and baking cookies until we dropped (literally for me) I feel like I haven't really had a weekend. I think I am trying to postpone the inevitable...going to work tomorrow morning!!! I love my job and I know and have not over looked the fact that I am truly blessed to even have a job and especially one that I love. With that said I still hate work. Okay so hates a strong word. I truly dislike working period!!! Now with that said I know there are many many people out there who have worked until their little hearts are content and I should probably stop right now before I start complaining but I just have to get this off my chest. :-) Work makes my life a routine. I have to get up at the butt crack of dawn to be there at 8, then I sit on my butt for almost eight hours straight, then I come home and Michael or I make dinner, then we clean, then we might have an hour or two to watch TV and then we go to bed and start all over again. Errrggghhh!!! I am only 22 and I am already wanting to retire! I know I know welcome to the real world. I mean at least with school you got a break at some point but with work it just keeps going until your 70. I think I just need a vacation!

Okay so I am done complaining. It's off my chest and now I am going to look at this situation in a positive way and stop being so negative and depressing.

Thank you God for my wonderful job! Okay now I am going to bed. :-)