Grace

As a human being I have a really hard time not putting "Grace" in a court room to be judged, based on how big or small the sin and how well deserving the person who sinned is of that grace. It is so hard to hear about a person who murdered, raped, stole or rather lied, let me down, caused me pain, etc. and be able to extend grace on that person. It is so hard to wrap my brain around the fact that God still loves and looks at them no different and if they want, will still extend grace and forgiveness. However, I know that I was created to never fully understand. God did not create me to understand, he created me to look to him for the understanding.

Lately, well let's say for the past few years, I have had a much harder time extending grace to those around me. I have noticed that my heart is not in a place it used to be. Used to, someone could be so wrong to me and I would let it roll of my back and forgive them like it never happened. I would extend grace to them because I knew they were human just like me, I knew only holding on to the pain would only affect me in the end, and because simply, I wanted to. I wanted to because my relationship with God then was solid and my heart was stronger. Now, I notice myself getting more bitter as the days go by. I have even gone so far as to think that I really dislike people to the point where I don't even want to deal with them on a Saturday afternoon. Which, I'm sure, we all can understand. However, thats a sad life.

Being someone who loves God and has a desire to live a life for God, this bothers me. My spirit and my heart is craving so much right now and I keep pushing it back and saying tomorrow, God, tomorrow. Well its been 5 years and the other night I decided I can't take it anymore. So Michael and I had a life changing discussion about changing our lives in the direction for God. One of the steps we are taking is to read a devotional every night, to pray every night and to (are you ready for this) go to church.

It has only been a week and my heart is changing. Today I read a chapter in a book called "Let Go." In that chapter there was a sentence that read:

"When we are satiated with God's grace, it is much easier to extend grace to others; but when we are on starvation rations ourselves, we have little to spare."

I have been on a "starvation ration" and my "grace" well is almost dry. Even after years of ignoring God's cry for me he still extends his grace and has already changed my heart in a week. Why then can I not extend grace on other's? They are just as deserving as I am. We are all created in God's image therefore he does not supply grace, forgiveness, and his love any differently on a person who has murdered than on me; someone who has ignored him for 5 years.

Thank you God for showing me what Grace really is.