Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Putting Aside the Masquerade/Part 1

"My main weakness is nerves," she says, taking a long sip of her tea. "I have no confidence, and because of that I'm always second-guessing myself. That allows you to be false, and you can't do that. You have to be honest; you gotta believe what you're about to say. So once I get through the nerves, if ever, and sometimes it does happen, that's when I'm able to have genuine moments."
~ Megan Fox

When I read the paragraph above I felt that the part of me that is never honest with myself answered whatever question that was asked in the interview for W magazine through another person. I know Megan Fox was describing herself but every part of that paragraph perfectly describes complicated me to a confused and misunderstood person. I am always asking questions and trying to understand why the things that affect me, do and why I am the way I am instead of just accepting me for who I am completely. I know I have faults just like everyone and yet its like I don't want to accept my faults, I just want to fix them.

Lately, I have been finding that in order to fix anything or move forward I have to first accept it. I have to first love myself and all my complications. So I am going to lay everything down (that I can think of anyways) that I know I struggle with. I am doing this because I want my relationship with God to become stronger and I want to live a life for him that is 100% committed to his will and I feel in order to do that I need to accept who I am - ugg butliness and all - to truly come to a point of loving the person God created.

This is one of the many steps I am taking to grow. I have always felt that I am a really accepting person and although I have taught myself to not judge a book by its cover that doesn't mean that I would pick up and read that book. God is really showing me lately that I have not been as accepting as I thought, especially with myself.

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